The Gift
by Dorothy Elggren
Part 5

See Part 1 for comments.

	Mark stared at Nick with disbelief.  He was almost able to
look Nick straight in the eyes.  He'd grown a lot the last year.
	"I can't believe you'd leave!" Mark said his voice cracking
ever so slightly.
	"I have to, Mark," Nick said softly.
	"But you can't!" Mark said wildly and turned and walked away
to stare out the window into the dark night.
	Nick sighed, he'd known this wouldn't be easy, and it was
harder than he'd expected.  But then he'd never really said goodbye
before.
	"Mark," Nick said slowly, "the reason I've been able to
support you was because of family money.  I never wanted it, you know.
That's why I became a cop.  I left it behind--as much as was
possible--but now there's nobody else.  I have to do this.  I can do a
lot of good with it."
	Mark swung around to stare at him, tears glittering in his
eyes.  "Why can't you do it from here?"
	"Because," Nick said patiently, "everything is in Seattle.
That's where the family made the money, that's where the business is.
I can't relocate it here.  Even if I could, it requires that I spend a
lot of time traveling."
	"What'll I do without you?" Mark asked.
	"You won't be without me.  You can write.  I'll just be a
little farther away.  When I'm in the states, I'll call you."
	"It's not the same," Mark said flatly.  "You won't be there
for the concerts.  You won't be around to tell me all the stuff that
none of the other teachers ever seem to know.  You ...won't
be...here."  His voice broke and Mark turned away.
	Nick walked across the room and slowly put his hands on Mark's
strong, broad shoulders.  He couldn't help but realize again that Mark
was almost a man.  "I know."
	Mark shrugged out of his grip angrily.  "You don't know!" he
shouted turning to stare at Nick.  "I need you!  *I* need you!  You've
always been there.  My own Dad was never there even when he was here,
but you've *always* been here."
	Nick grabbed Mark by the shoulders and pulled him into his
arms.  Mark began to cry against his shoulder.  "I will always be
here, Mark," Nick said softly.  "Because I love you.  I will always be
here in your heart and in your soul.  Whenever you hear the music..."
Nick's own voice cracked slightly, "when you hear the music, you'll
hear me."
	Mark buried his head in Nick's shoulder and cried harder.
	"Do you remember when we first sat down at the piano and I
asked you if you wanted to play the piano?" Nick asked.
	Mark looked up at Nick, his face streaked with tears.  After a
moment he nodded."
	"You said that you could hear the music in your head."
	"Yes," Mark said slowly.
	"And then when I said I'd teach you, do you remember what you
said to me?" Nick asked him.
	Mark stared at him, remembering that moment suddenly so
clearly that it surprised him.
	"I said you hear it, too."
	"And I do.  I *hear* it with the same passion that you do.
When you play, Mark, when you hear what's in your soul, I'll be there.
I will always be there.  Do you understand?"
	Mark stared at Nick. "Yes, I understand, but I still don't
want you to go.  Don't go, Nick!"
	Nick hugged Mark to him tightly.
	He felt Mark's arms go round him and hold him in a desperate
grip, as if by holding him, Mark could keep him there--keep him from
leaving him.
	"Mark," Nick said softly, and after a moment, Mark sighed, and
loosened his grip. With reluctance, Nick let Mark go and reached into
his pocket and pulled out a small box and gave it to Mark.
	Mark opened it and stared.  Inside were five pennies mounted
on velvet--they were 1965 mint condition pennies--the year they had
met.  Mark looked up at Nick with tears in his eyes.
	Mark," Nick said softly, "this is to remind you of where you
started and what your dreams are.  Never give up, and never forget
what is important.  It isn't the money or glory or fame.  It's the
people you know, the dreams you achieve, and the love you give and
receive in your life.
	Mark laughed through his tears.  "You told me someday I would
understand," he said after a moment.
	Nick smiled but said nothing.
	"Will you come back to see me"? Mark asked.
	"Whenever I can," Nick said, his throat tight at the lie.
	Mark hugged him as hard as he could, unable to look into
Nick's eyes.  Nick staring into Mark's expressive eyes, recognized
that Mark knew somehow, that Nick was never coming back.  And it hurt.
Perhaps it was wisdom Mark had learned from his father's desertion.
Nick only knew that he loved Mark as if he were the son he'd never
had.  And he would give almost anything to stay and be that father
that Mark had never had.  The realization sent pain through him anew
in dizzying waves.  And looking into Mark's eyes, he knew that Mark
needed him as much as he needed Mark.
	"Then that's what I'm going to wish and dream for..." Mark
whispered.
	And Nick felt his own heart break.

	"Did he write?" Natalie asked.
	"Yes, and I did, too, for two years until he went to the
conservatory.  Then I cut the ties.  He had other people to take my
place and he was really on his way.  I knew he was going to make it.
He was so gifted, Nat, that there really wasn't any doubt.  Oh, I've
kept an eye on him, but only from a distance.  He's had a wonderful
career, and I've been lucky enough to make it to a couple of concerts
over the years.  He really has achieved his dreams, Nat.  He's a
wonderful pianist."
	"Did you go to Seattle? Natalie asked curiously.
	"No." Nick's smile was bitter and twisted.  "Aristotle
arranged it for me.  He set it up so that my mail was forwarded to
me--for a rather steep price.  But it was worth it."
	"So where did you go?"
	"I actually went to Viet Nam.  I stayed there until 'Nam
fell."
	"So one day, he sent a letter and it came back with
'addressee unknown'," Natalie said softly.
	"Yes," Nick admitted.  "He was on the solo concert tour
circuit already and becoming well-known.  There was a chance that if I
was seen with him that someone would recognize me from another life,
Nat.  Or worse, decide to start researching his benefactor.  It would
have been a great human interest story, you know."
	"I know," Natalie said.  She put her head on Nick's shoulder
and snuggled closer, trying to comfort him.  Nick put his arm around
her and kissed her forehead absently.
	"It just seems so unfair.  So hard.  I don't know how you bear
it, Nick."
	Nick shrugged.  "You just do."
	"I wonder if he ever looked for you?"
	"I don't know... I hope not, but knowing Mark..."
	"He probably did," Natalie finished softly, sadly.

                                ******

	Natalie smoothed the black velvet dress over her hips and
turned to check her reflection in the mirror.  The dress was timeless
in design--deliberately--and the neckline exposed more cleavage than
she was used to.  "Yeah, Lambert," she muttered, "straight from lab
coat and scrubs to ... looking like you walked out of another time or
place--or" she added with a laugh, "a romance novel cover."  The
neckline, though not overly risque, was still a daring plunge for
Natalie Lambert, M.D.  She firmed her shoulders and carefully put on
her earrings and necklace.  She felt some trepidation wearing such a
dress, but tonight was special.  Tonight she wanted to make Nick feel
as human and as happy as possible.  She wanted nothing to mar his joy
in seeing and hearing Mark.
	Natalie had been unable to think about anything else ever
since Nick had told her about Mark O'Donnell.  It just seemed so
unfair and wrong that Mark had never seen Nick since that farewell in
Chicago, and that Nick denied himself Mark's love and
friendship--because of who and what he was.  That he had decided to
attend the concert (and take her with him) was an indication to
Natalie of how much this meant to him--and how much he missed
Mark. Well, at least Nick would get to share the music with him
tonight, and she was going to be there with him--and maybe, just
maybe--she could convince him to see Mark.  If not, the least she
could do was make him feel like the luckiest man at the concert.  For
he deserved it.
	Nick was, in Natalie's estimation, a true hero.  Not only for
Mark, but for her.  Without Nick, she wouldn't be alive, and without
Nick, Mark wouldn't be a concert pianist.  She idly wondered how many
other people's lives would be the lesser without his intervention; how
many people's lives had Nick made richer just by being there for them.
And, Natalie thought in frustrated amusement, the only one who didn't
see his worth, was...Nick.
	The doorbell rang, and Natalie picked up her wrap.  Maybe, she
thought, as she turned out the light and answered the door, I can help
him see some of it tonight.
	She looked at Nick, and took a breath at how well he looked in
his back silk suit.  And Nick could only stare in awe at Natalie.  She
truly was beautiful.
	"Milady," Nick said huskily, "your coach awaits."
	A slow smile curved Natalie's lips, and she reached up to kiss
his cheek.
	"You look wonderful, Nick," she whispered.  Nick could only
stare in bemusement.
	"Shall we?" he asked finally and offered Natalie his arm.
	Natalie took it graciously, feeling slightly giddy, and they
left.
	Nick seated Natalie in the tenth row of the concert hall, on
the left center side.  "The only place to sit if you want to see a
pianist," he'd murmured against her hair.  "By the way, have I told
you how beautiful you look tonight?"
	Natalie smiled up at him.  "No.  Could you?"
	Nick laughed and caught her hand to his lips.  He kissed her
hand then turned it over to press a kiss into her palm.  "You are
beautiful, Natalie.  Thank you for being in my life."
	"Actually," Natalie said feeling suddenly far from casual, "I
think it's the other way around."
	Nick looked at her quizzically.
	"I don't think you have any idea, Nick, how much you've
changed my life, or for that matter, how much you've changed so many
lives."
	Nick shook his head.  "Nat," he protested.
	Natalie put her hand against his lips and stopped him.  "I'm
alive, because of you."
	Nick stopped breathing (not that he needed to, but he stopped
anyway).
	"I'm alive.  And I'm very happy.  Because of you."
	They stared at each other, and what Nick might have said was
pre-empted by the lights dimming.
	Nick squeezed Natalie's hand tightly in his but said nothing
more.  They turned their attention to the stage, and Natalie felt Nick
slip into some other world as the conductor came out to introduce
their special guest pianist--Mark O'Donnell.
	Natalie looked at Mark, trying to see in the tall, mature man
with red hair that was beginning to show some gray in his temples, the
boy Nick had described.  Dressed in a tuxedo, she found it a little
difficult to make the transition.  But when he sat down and began to
play...then Natalie could see it in the intense way he hunched over
the piano, and in the way the music reached out and touched her very
soul.
	'I can hear the music,' Nick had said with such passion, 'and
so can Mark.'
	And suddenly, Natalie could, too.  Just a little.  Just for a
moment, the way that Nick could.
	The music flowed over and around them.  It literally took
Natalie's breath away.  She glanced sideways at Nick from time to
time, but he was in another universe.  One that Natalie could only
glimpse or guess at, one where he and a small eight-year-old boy could
hear such wonderful, passionate music.  One Natalie knew, that most
people could never imagine or comprehend.  She'd always known he loved
music.  She just hadn't realized how much of it was his soul.
	Not until now.  Never until now.
	All too soon, the concert was over.  Far too soon for Nick.
As Mark had played, he'd recognized nuances in his style and technique
that came straight from Nick...as well as those that Nick had learned
from.  He couldn't help but smile at the thought.  If only Mark knew.
But he never would.  Some things Nick had never told him--how could
he?  And now, he never would.
	Nick's heart twisted and lurched in his chest at the pain and
joy hammering him.  Joy at Mark's achievement, and Nick's pride in it.
Pain at the loss.  Pain that he could never talk with Mark again, or
hug him, or share the music as they had for those few precious years.
He shouldn't have come, and yet he couldn't stay away.
	Somewhere close to tears, in the midst of the thunderous
applause and standing ovation, Nick turned to Natalie and hugged her.
Natalie looked up in smiling question, but Nick just shook his head.
There were no words to describe his feelings, or the deluge of
emotions he was drowning in.
	He took Natalie's hand in his and led her out in utter
silence.
	"Nick," Natalie said boldly as they walked into the lobby, "I
think you should go see him.  Go backstage and see him."
	Nick stopped and was utterly still in a way that radiated his
alieness--that something that made him other than human.  Then he
looked at Natalie.
	"No."
	"Why not?" Natalie persisted, "I know you want to see him,
talk to him.  You are so much alike, the music..."
	"NO!" Nick said angrily and pulled her abruptly along and out
of the hall, into the street where throngs milled, and no one
listened.  He stopped and met her gaze.  "I can't, Natalie.
I...can't.  Can you imagine the pain he went through when I just
disappeared?  Can you imagine the anger and betrayal he felt?  I can't
and I'm not going to open those wounds for him again.  And more
importantly, there's the other facts, the reason why I left in the
first place.  To protect him, and protect myself."

End Part 5
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delggren@es.com.