Out of the Silence
Part 4
If you don't receive a part, the parts can be found at:
http://www.loftworks.com/wftk/fiction.html

See Part 1 for notes and disclaimers and author's ramblings.

        Emily looked away.  The pencil in her hand suddenly snapped 
with a loud crack. 
        They both jumped, and then meeting each other's eyes, laughed.
        Emily took a deep breath.  "I think so."
        "And that's why, after all this time, you were looking for 
him?"
        Emily got up and began pacing the room.  She stopped in front 
of the window and stared out into the bright sunlight.
        "I used to have dreams," she said slowly.  "Terrible, 
frightening dreams--and yet at the same time, they were the summit of 
all my deepest desires.  They started about five years after Andrew, my 
assistant, killed himself.  Five years after I stopped writing about 
vampires.  I loved writing about them, you know.  I identified with 
them in so many ways.  I loved the night, stayed up and wrote all night 
long.  But I felt responsible for Andrew's death, and I felt that I 
could no longer write about vampires.  The stories caused his death.  
If I walked away, no one else would die."
        She looked back at T.C.  "It was the second death I felt 
responsible for, and I just fell apart.  It took me a year before I 
began writing again.  I still wrote about mystical creatures, I 
suppose, because they are what live in my head.  But I never wrote 
about vampires again.  I put what happened in Toronto behind me, and 
moved on."
        "So what made you try to find Detective Knight?" T.C. asked as 
he pushed up his glasses.
        Emily began drawing circles with her finger on the window.  
"The dreams," she said.
        "What was in the dreams?" T.C. asked quietly.
        "I didn't know exactly.  That sounds silly, I suppose, when 
they had such an impact on me.  Most of the time I would wake up and 
not be able to remember.  I would wake up terrified and yet excited.  I 
didn't understand and I couldn't remember anything specific.  Other 
times, I would wake up and not know where the dreams ended and reality 
started.  I'd dream incredible things--things that only happen in 
fiction--but they had happened to me, at least in my dreams.  I was 
never sure if it was my fantasy--or my mind playing tricks..  But there 
was one thing I dreamed over and over again; a voice.  There was a 
quality to it...an intensity that made me believe it wasn't a dream.  I 
could hear someone saying, 'you don't know what you are asking of me'."  
It echoed in my head--for days afterwards, sometimes.  And then, slowly 
over the years, I began to remember things.  Things that weren't what I 
remembered or what anyone else remembered.  I thought I was going 
crazy.  They weren't dreams, but how could they be real?  I began to 
believe that maybe they might have happened, *must have happened*, even 
though I couldn't remember them happening."
        "That apparently is not uncommon for people who came in contact 
with Knight," T.C. said.
        Emily turned from the window and walked over and sat down by 
T.C. on the sofa.  She stared at him intently.  
        "Really?"
        "Yes."
        "Then I'm not crazy?"
        "No."
        She laughed and looked away.  "My psychiatrist thinks I need 
*years* of therapy."
        "I don't think you need any."
        "This is crazy."
        T.C. shrugged.  "Well, yes, and...no.  Once you get past the 
idea of it, it makes sense.  So what did you remember?"
        Emily smiled and shook her head.  "I remembered him kissing me.  
It was...unlike anything I'd ever experienced.  I remember wanting him 
more than anything in this world--more than life itself.  I remember 
loving him--and feeling sure that he loved me."
        T.C. raised an eyebrow discreetly.  "But that didn't tally with 
what you remembered in your conscious mind, did it?  It didn't happen, 
or did it?"
        "Oh, I think it did.  I'm sure of it.  I think he took my 
memories away to protect me."
        "Why do you say that?"
        "Because he was a..."  Emily stopped and looked at T.C.
        "...a vampire," T.C. finished.
        She closed her eyes in relief.  "Yes," she whispered.  "Oh, 
yes."
        "You aren't crazy, Emily.  He was a vampire."
        She looked at him, her eyes bright and luminous, life suddenly 
lighting her face.  "I knew it!" she whispered.  "I just knew it."
        "How did you figure it out?" T.C. asked.  "The dreams?  Or the 
unresolved memories?"
        "Both, I suppose.  The dreams bothered me for years--so did the 
memory fragments.  About two years ago, they became so intense, and my 
memories of that time--or should I say my non-memories--became an 
obsession.  So, I went to a psychiatrist.  I went through regression 
therapy, and it all came out.  Oh, not at first.  Whatever he did to me 
really was good.  It was like prying open a bottle's lid that had 
rusted on.  It was a terrible experience.  But finally, it all came to 
me.  It was like this huge rush.  Once the door opened, it came back 
all at once.  Everything fit into place."  Emily stared down at her 
hands, her mind obviously back in the past.
        "And?" T.C. prompted.
        "Oh...sorry.  It's so intense.  Even now.  It's like those 
memories stay new, like they just happened.  They have a different feel 
to them.  Something about what he did to me, I guess.  Anyway, I 
started to tell my psychiatrist, and then I just got this feeling that 
I shouldn't tell him everything.  I did tell him that vampires were 
real--that's why he thinks I need help.  I can't distinguish between 
the fantasy world I write in and the real one.  He's an idiot.  Anyway, 
I finally decided I had to know, so I tried to find Detective Knight.  
And they said he was dead.  I...I couldn't believe it.  I still can't.  
I had this feeling that he was indestructible.  I thought I would never 
know if I was making this all up in my head...or if it was real."
        "Oh, it's real, all right," T.C. said with feeling.  "I've seen 
one in action.  And they are very real--and very dangerous.  So much 
so, that what we say here will not be repeated except to two others who 
are also working very quietly on trying to find out.  We don't want to 
endanger you in any way."
	Emily smiled, then laughed.  "Oh, I don't know, I think I've already 
been to the brink."
        "Why?  What happened?"
        "What happened.   In some ways I think I was more alive then 
than I've been before or since..."  Emily stared down at her hands and 
absently picked at a hangnail.
        T.C. tried very hard not to ask her again.  He felt like he was 
already prying into some incredibly private moments.
        Emily looked at him.  "I was staying at his loft.  The 
safehouse had been compromised, so he took me there because of the 
limited access.  He left me there with a woman to watch over me.  She 
was...different."
        "What was her name?" T.C. asked curiously, wondering why Knight 
would have worried about protecting Emily in his own loft against a 
mortal.
        "Janette."
        "Janette!!" T.C. exclaimed, losing his calm.  "I can't believe 
it!  He had Janette watch you?"
        "Uh...yes.  Who was she that you...are so excited?"
        "Janette.  Janette DuCharme, or Janette de Brabant.  Who knows.  
She's a vampire, too."
        "A vampire?"
        "Yeah.  Knight was protecting you from an unknown assailant--a 
stalker--that turned out to be Andrew, right?"
        "Yes.  I had been attacked and actually bitten at the radio 
station.  Andrew had delusions that he was a vampire, you see."
        "I don't get it, "T.C. said slowly. "Why Janette?  Oh, your 
stalker attacked you like a vampire.  He bit you.   I'll bet Knight 
thought it might be a threat from a real vampire.  The only way to 
guard against a vampire is ... with another vampire.  Incredible!"
        "So I met more than just the two of them, then..."
        "Two?" T.C. asked.  
        Emily smiled.  "Yes, two.  I'll get there.  Janette asked me if 
I loved him.  I think I loved him from the moment I laid eyes on him.  
She must have seen it--certainly before I did.  I never believed in 
love at first sight.  In fact, I never believed I would be in love--
until I met Nick.  Anyway, when he came back and she left we talked... 
about our feelings.  Our loneliness.  He was incredibly perceptive.  He 
asked me why I wrote about vampires the way I did.  It makes sense now, 
knowing he was one, but at the time, I just thought him intriguing and 
somehow in tune with me in a way I'd never experienced."
        "I never knew him," T.C. said, "but everything I've read and 
everyone I've ever talked to about him says he was able to hone in to 
people.  I don't know if it is a gift of being a vampire or just a gift 
of Nick Knight, but he could read people--and empathize with them."
        "Yes," Emily said nodding her head.  "He saw my pain, and made 
me face it.  I'd buried it deeply, but he forced me to unbury it and 
face it.  One thing lead to another...and all that passion I'd been 
repressing came out."  Emily smiled at the memory.  "He just pulled me 
into his arms and kissed me--and then after a few minutes he pulled 
away and told me he couldn't do this.  I begged him not to turn me 
away, and he said he wasn't, he was turning himself away."
        "Getting into dangerous water?" T.C. mused.
        Emily shook her head.  "I don't know.  I only know he didn't 
want to stop, but he did."
        "Probably to save your life," T.C. said.
        "What?"
        "You of all people should know the mythology of vampires," T.C. 
reminded her.  "Sex equals death for a mortal, from everything I've 
read."
        "Oh.  Yes.  Sorry.  I tend not to think things through clearly 
when I remember him."
        "Hmm.  Well, you apparently weren't alone."
        "Oh?"
        "Natalie," T.C. said softly, hating to remind her that someone 
else had been more important in the end.
        "Natalie?"
        "Dr. Lambert.  They disappeared together.  They were *very* 
close for a long time."
        "Oh, yes.  I remember her," Emily said nodding her head.  "She 
was very nice."  She looked down at her hands.  "I can't help but 
wonder why he would allow her to...well, when he wouldn't let me.  
Silly, after all these years, really."
        "No.  It's not silly.  But I suspect that what happened between 
them occurred over a long period of time.  It's like the frog who'll 
jump out of boiling water if he's dumped in, but if you put him in a 
cool water, and turn the heat up slowly--the frog never knows the 
danger until it is way too late.  For you it was very fast, and he 
jumped.  But with Natalie...,"  T.C. shrugged, "it was probably too 
late by the time they realized how much they loved each other. 
        "They were just too close, and Natalie knew too much about 
Nick.  Whatever happened that night took not only Natalie, but Nick, 
you know.  It might not have been Nick that killed her," T.C. said.
        Emily nodded.  "You're right.  It's stupid that I can feel that 
strongly all these years later, when for most of them I didn't remember 
a thing about it."
        "Yes, but you said the memories were unusually clear," T.C. 
reminded her.
        She bit her lip.  "Yes.  They are."
        "So, what happened then?"
        "There was a reading.  I remember that I read it as if Nick was 
Christian--the vampire in my story.  I've never read better, but that's 
beside the point.  Afterwards, Andrew went completely crazy, sure that 
I was writing about him.  He took me up to the roof and was threatening 
to kill us both.  I was *terrified*.  I thought I was going to die.  
Then Nick showed up.  Somehow he knew, and he got there in time."
        "And..."
        "I told him that Andrew thought he was Christian, and this I 
remember perfectly, he told Andrew to 'be careful what you wish for'.  
Andrew, I think was delusional and thought he was LaSalle, the master 
vampire in 'The Denied'.  He told Nick that he would never take me from 
him."  Emily stopped, seemingly remembering, caught in the passion of 
the moment
        "And what did Nick say?" T.C. asked.  Emily jumped slightly and 
in embarrassment put her hand to her cheek.  She seemed suddenly much 
pinker.
        "He said, 'Christian, I made you what you are.  You must obey 
me.  Let her go.'  And his eyes just started to glow, and he had fangs.  
One second he didn't, the next he did.  He demanded Andrew release me, 
and Andrew got really scared.  He asked Nick what he was, and Nick 
said, 'What you pretend to be'.  Andrew freaked out and got really 
scared.  It got through his delusions and he forgot all about me.  He 
jumped down off the ledge and ran past Nick, and suddenly, there was 
this other ... vampire ... there.  He came out of nowhere and he killed 
Andrew.  He just grabbed him and killed him--drank his blood.  Right 
there in front of me.  It was if I had suddenly become part of one of 
my stories.  Only it was real, so terribly real--and deadly."  Emily 
blinked back sudden tears and swallowed.
        "Emily?" T.C. asked concerned.
        She shook her head and put a hand out to stave him off.  "No.  
It's all right, really.  I'm okay.  Anyway, this other vampire, when he 
was done, just picked Andrew up and threw him off the roof.  Nick 
was...incredibly angry at him for killing Andrew.  But it didn't seem 
to even touch him.   He just wiped the blood off of his face and told 
Nick it was his turn."
        "His turn?"
        "To kill me," Emily said simply.  "It was pretty obvious.  He 
wanted me dead, and Nick didn't."
        "So he really was a good guy, even under the worst 
circumstances," T.C. said in wonder.
        Emily nodded.  "Yes, I was so astonished.  There he was the
man of my dreams, and a vampire, too.  Everything I loved wrapped up
in one man.  And he told me that was why he could not love me.
Because he was a vampire."
        "Honorable guy," T.C. said leaning back into the sofa.
        Emily shrugged.  "I don't think I helped.  I begged him to take 
me, and he said 'This is not a fiction, Emily.   You have no idea what 
you are asking me to do.'  I remember saying I didn't care, and the 
other one, telling him to take me, to give in to what he was."
        Emily stopped and suddenly got up and walked over to her desk.  
She angrily pulled a kleenex out of a box and wiped her eyes.  "I made 
my best case, and got turned down."  She turned and looked at T.C.  "I 
can't stop wondering what it would have been like...to be with him.  To 
be like him.  So many times I've wished since I remembered.  That's why 
I called really.  Truth."  Emily folded her arms across her breast and 
shook her head.  "I'd still take him, all these years later--jump at 
the chance--if he'd take me.  I've never felt that powerfully about 
anything.  Never.  But he didn't want me.  In the end he wanted her."
        "I don't think that is exactly the case, Emily.  He told you 
that you had no idea what you were asking him.  You still don't.  I 
know I don't.  I watched one appear out of nowhere one night and kill a 
man.  The lust and hunger on his face still haunts me, Emily.  We have 
no idea what it must be like to have that power and ability.  If Nick 
didn't like killing and was haunted by that kind of hunger, you may 
have been asking him to destroy himself.  He was desperately trying to 
find redemption and forgiveness for what he was, and what he'd done.  
We're pretty sure of that.  He wanted humanity and mortality.  What you 
wanted would have taken him back to being a killer and torn him apart."
        Emily hugged herself tighter.  "Maybe."
        "If you're feeling embarrassed for wanting him, don't.  I think 
he probably loved you, from what you've said.  He gave you what he 
thought was the better gift.  The best one he could give you.  Life.  
Freedom from darkness."
        "Freedom," Emily said bitterly.  "I didn't know for so long why 
I couldn't write about vampires.  I thought I did, but it was a lie.  
He did that to me."
        "Did what?"
        "Made me forget.  That's what happened next.  He told me to 
forget.  He told me to 'live my passion and never write about vampires 
again.'"
        "Well, did you?"
        "Did I what?" 
        "Live your passion?"

End Part 4
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