Partners of the Month (59) What's really bothering you? Who says I'm bothered? Well, I thought you could have been a little more tactful about their sleeping arrangements. -- Nick and Schanke Sex is the cornerstone of a sound marriage. C'mon, just because they slept apart doesn't mean that ... ...they weren't doing it? Oh, trust me Nick, the idea that married people make hot monkey love while sleeping in separate beds went out with Lucy and Ricky. It's impossible to generate any heat from the living room couch. (Yawn) Pretty damn difficult to get any sleep, too. -- Nick and Schanke There you have it, Jonathan Levy, deceased. Just about as thorough a report as I've ever seen. As a matter of fact, I think the two cops who wrote that up are definitely worthy of Partners of the Month. That's Knight and Schanke. S-c-h-a-n-k-e. The c us hard the h is silent And you're not. Put a sock in it. You didn't get the plaque this month. Get over it. What's your take on this? I'm fine without the plaque. -- Schanke, Cohen and Knight Schank, it's only a plaque on the wall. I've got a wall. I want a plaque, okay? -- Nick and Schanke You can't understand someone else's life unless you're living it. People have demons. People have enemies, people have spouses. She said she tried to revive him. Fit's in with what I see here. -- Natalie, Schanke and Nick Were we all at the same house tonight? Separate bedrooms because he works late? Give me a break. Their sex life had gone south, and you know why? He probably came home late after a hard night's work and ooh, she was just waiting to go off. LIke he bought the wrong cream cheese, the regular, not the low fat. And she flips. It's not like he forgot. It's not like he didn't make the effort. It's just whatever he did wasn't good enough. Cream cheese, wrong. Oops. Bang. Dead. Whether you pull the trigger or they do, in this grand B movie we call life, there's always a girl. Cherchez la Femme. Hey, Schank? -- Schanke and Nick Hey, you guys finish, all right. I've gotta find out about this guy's life before they throw dirt in his coffin. Is he okay? I don't know. Like you said, Nat. Do you really ever understand anybody else's life. He is your partner. -- Schanke, Natalie and Nick What are you doing? I had hoped to be gone by now. Did you really think we could share all of eternity? I thought we were building something. We have been building, Nicholah. Longer than the Medicci's. Ninety-seven years. It's longer than any mortal marriage. You... we are not mortals. Does that not mean we cannot change, cannot grow, cannot want something different? Do not think that this is easy, Nicholah, or that I am without pain. But it is enough. It is time for me to go. -- Nick and Janette Does everyone you see, everything you see, taste, smell, remind you of her? I know what it is. You cannot accept what you must. That love is not eternal, it is not even long-lived. Let it die when it is exhausted. Don't try to resusitate it. Let it go. You're not helping much, Nightcrawler. In time you'll see that I am. I'm cleansing your wound, waking you from a stupor. Because of your grief you cannot see that I'm an ally, in my way, I love you all. And I want your love back... -- LaCroix and Caller Hello, how nice to find you at home. I hope you love pizza, nature's perfect food. It is hell to find it at five in the morning, but I managed to find some for my partner. Let's fire up the oven, because the cheese it is coagulating. You could have called. Uh, great place. You've got so much room in here, and a great fridge, so much room in here, too. -- Schanke and Nick Schank, I don't what to be inhospitable, but, uh, why are you here? Well, you know, I thought we could shoot the breeze, talk about the case. Guy stuff. Besides I want to celebrate with my partner, we're friends right? What are we celebrating? Only the single most wonderful moment of my entire life. What happened? I did it, I really did it. I pink-slipped the ball and chain. Life without a wife, is a life without strife. Myra? Is history. -- Nick and Schanke Partners always come through in a pinch. I knew I didn't have to ask. Here are a couple of items rescued from the wrath of hurricane Myra. She was throwing things. Would you do me the honors, and park my duck? This isn't a joke is it? No, nonono. The joke is I went this long being suffocated in the name of love. From now on I live by Schanke's new creed. Which is? Life is a salad bar and most poor slobs only grab one helping. -- Schanke and Nick Unbelievable! They didn't put any garlic on the pizza. Unbelieveable! You got some, right. No, no I don't have any garlic, no. You bachelors, never any food. Now I'm one, too. -- Schanke and Nick This doesn't make any sense. What happened? I came to my senses. Yeah. I don't understand her emotional needs. Is she kidding? After what I go through every night on the streets, she's lucky I don't come home shoot off the doorknob and burst in yelling "FREEZE, DROP THE GUN"! -- Nick and Schanke Every couple has their ups and downs. I'm sure if you took all this stuff away and went home right now, all would be well. You don't want me stay here, is that it? It's not that. It's okay. Just because I don't have anywhere else to go, doesn't mean I have to stay here. Schank, it's not that. It's just that, well this is one room and you are used to that big beautiful house that you and Myra have shared together all these years. Just call me an incurable romantic. I'm sure if you went home right now and gave it another chance... -- Nick and Schanke It's over Nick. I wanted to come here and tell you first, because you're my best friend. You're my Partner. Schanke, look. No, hey, don't sweat it. I'll take a room at the Y. They're used to guys who sleep clutching a weapon. Schank, Schank, Schank! Wait, wait wait. You can stay as long as you like. You mean that? You are a pal, you are a buddy. We will talk, we will party, we will have some heart to hearts. We will party some more. And then we'll work we'll party, and we'll eat some pizza! -- Schanke and Nick Look at me, I'm giddy, feckless and fancy free. I'm a bachelor my friend. A bachelor. Free at last. Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last. -- Schanke Just what is freedom? Only the essence of what we are. The ability to go anywhere and do anything. To love anyone. Within our limits, yes. Nicolah, we cannot define our lives by mortal mores. -- Nick and Janette What we buy when we give up the daylight is a new set of rules. Rules that ignore love. Rules that broaden it. This does not mean that I don't love you, that our time together hasn't been wonderful. Then why do you have to leave. Because I'm bored, because I feel the need to move on. Because you probably feel it as well, but cannot admit it. Oh, mon cherie, maybe one day our eyes we'll meet and we'll fall in love all over again, hmmm? -- Janette and Nick What makes you think I would take you back? (She kisses him) That... -- Nick and Janette Hold on here, are you her mother or her attorney? Yeah, well you're not my idea of the perfect son-in-law either. Women, women, women. -- Schanke (to Myra's mother--who really died first season) PLEASE! You're not going to eat are you? No. You're not going to eat. I'm not going to eat. No eat. No eat. -- Nick and Schanke After everything I do. From the bottom of my heart. After everything I've done, you do not appreciate a thing that I do for you, do you? Here or at work. You know, between you and Myra, I feel very under-valued. -- Schanke He left Myra. No. Yeah, and moved into my place this morning Get out of TOWN! I might just have to. He made me eggs and bacon for breakfast! Oh, come on! You're almost 800 years old. What's an egg? Thank you. And you called because... -- Nick and Natalie, Partners of the Month C'mon wake up and smell the corpses, my friend. -- Schanke Here it is... snob hill. -- Schanke Was he suicidal? I'd say no, but you never really know people, do you detective? You only think you do. -- Nick and James Coulter They train you to be tasteless? No, that's genetic. They train me to be persistent. -- Julia Winwood and Schanke, -- Partners of the Months What relationship were you to the deceased? Why don't you just pass out questionnaires. I'm a friend. Everybody here is a friend. Close friend? Close enough. -- Schanke and Julia Winwood You had it painted for me. Leonardo would want me to keep it. The painting is mine. It was a gift. To enjoy while we were together. -- Nick and Janette So, am I to take back everything I've given you? It is not the same. It is exactly the same. Just because it's your portrait doesn't make it any more significant to you. It is as much a part of my life as it is yours. You are being very petty. And you are tearing my life apart. Nessuno negoziare, the painting is mine! Very well. As a memento. When I see Leonardo, I'll commission another. -- Nick and Janette, Partners of the Month Something wrong? No. What is it? You've done it again. Done what? That was gonna be my news. I wanted to tell you that Julia Winwood was the other woman. -- Nick and Schanke So, we both found out. Yeah, but you had to beat me to it. Then you scoop me with this news about the will. It doesn't matter. Of course it matters! We're partners! Oh, no, no, no, with you it's always a competition. You always, always, have to be first. -- Nick and SChanke Would you slow down so we can talk? Why? Does it bother when I'm ahead? Would you prefer that I follow two steps behind? Schank, don't do this. You know I think it's time for a little off loading here, time for a little truth. Why is it that you always have to top me, huh? Eoes it make you feel good when I look bad? We are in this together. We are partners. -- Nick and Schanke So why did you talk to Coulter alone? He was there, I grabbed the opportunity. You grabbed the glory for yourself, like always! Nick Knight, first one in, five minutes ahead of all the troops. No one knows exactly how he does it, but he's always there to make the collar, while his Boston-baked-beans-brains-for-partner brings up the rear. Schanke you are being irrational. No, I'm not, for the first time in my life, im seeing things absolutely clearly. I don't have a partner, I don't have a wife. I'm everybody's doormat. -- Nick and Schanke Do we have a problem here? Ask my partner. We're having a constructive debate. About Levy, I hope. -- Cohen and Schanke And stop acting like you're married! -- Captain Cohen, Partners of the Month Happy now? You want me to lie? No. I want you to back me. Trust that I'm on to something, that I've got instincts, a little bit of talent. But obviously that's a little bit much to ask, isn't it... partner? -- Schanke and Nick After you. No, no, no. Snakes and traitors first. After you. (They step into the elevator together, very carefully) -- Nick and Schanke, Partners of the Month Now, why can't we loosen it up, do things my way for a change? Because you're allowing your personal crisis to interfere with your job. Crisis? What crisis? Schank, your marriage is falling apart. You're transfering your frustration with Myra onto Victoria Levy. Oh, puleeze, spare me the whip Doctor Freud. You know my personal life is in no way affecting my objectivity in this case. That's a lie and you know it. So, I'm a liar now, is that it? -- Schanke and Nick Well let me tell you something--and you can take this to the bank. We're through. As of first thing tomorrow morning, I'm requesting immediate reassignment. No argument here. -- Schanke and Nick You know I might as well resign and move up to the Yukon. I'll get a warmer reception from the Eskimos. Innuit Aborigines. Oh, how insensitive of me! How can you work with such an incorrecct boor? I don't know! Well after tomorrow you won't have to. You won't have Don Schanke to kick around anymore. You won't be able to use me for a doormat. You and Myra! -- Schanke and Nick Did you really expect she would stay with you forever? I want you to be painfully honest. I loved her. This has nothing to do with love, this has to do with moving on. Immortals cannot cling like lichen to the stone. It is our nature, our imperative to wander throughout the world throughout time. We either change and grow, or wither and die...inside. Wouldn't that be eternal hell. Let her go, Nicholas. There's plenty more love left in the world. -- LaCroix and Nick Nicolah, your friend is here. Schanke? What's he doing at the Raven? He's scaring away my customers. -- Janette and Nick It's getting very late, isn't it? Later than you think. Did you know that friendship was dead, along with loyalty, love and Elvis. All dead. Muerte! -- Janette and Schanke What is this thing? Oh yeah, its a gift from the light of my life. She gave it to me the day I graduated from the police academy. IT's a duck, as in remember to...when the bullets start flying. Get it. Sweet. Myra let me down, Nick let me down, just once, somebody let me up. What if I let you ... out? -- Janette and Schanke You know, I can really see you two together, you must have really been something once. It was a very long time ago. I know when--in college, right? No...actually it was closer to the Renaissance. -- Schanke and Janette, Partners of the Month. You know I can't believe how a guy like Nick let a beautiful woman like you slip through his net. Unbelievable. If he was here, I would hit him upside the head. Thank you. But in fact it was me who walked out on him. You and me both. I walked out on Myra. Why'd you leave? I had my reasons. She's always singing show tunes around the house. Show tunes, show tunes, show tunes. It drives me crazy. -- Schanke and Janette He was smothering me. I love her so much it scares me. I couldn't accept the depth of his feeling for me, I wasn't used to that. So what choice do we have? It's an act of self preservation. Yeah, exactly, I did the right thing you know. It's not like I miss her. It's just a habit really... Yeah, well maybe sometimes I think I hear her voice... Or I see his face in a crowd... Or call her name out loud... Or remember the softness of his kiss... Is it me or did we just walk into a Sinatra song? -- Janette and Schanke, Partners of the Month Well in that case its time to go home isnt it? You don't understand, I do not have a home to go to. Because I've been a five-star, major-league, olympic-sized.. Jerk? No. Man! Hombre! -- Janette and Schanke Why do we do it? We find a fantastic woman like Myra. We marry her kicking and screaming all the way to the alter, and we think oh-oh, we lost all our options. We convince ourselves that we're missing something, that there's something better out there, then we one day leave. We reclaim our independence. What a joke! -- Schanke What happens to a person when they leave the love of their lives looking for cheap, quick thrills? In my case, usually homicide. Exactly! -- Schanke and Janette, Partners of the Months We ruin our lives throwing away the one decent thing we've ever had. And what can we do then? I'll tell what you can do. You realize your mistake, you beg for forgiveness, and you give her everything that you've got and then you...wait a minute! ...Everything you've got, like the entire estate. Oh, my God, that's what happened, that's what he was gonna do! Listen... Oh, I need some coffee. Are you gonna see Nick? He's supposed to come down. Okay, all right. Tell him I solved this one all by myself. I figured out what Levy wanted in his life. He wanted to stay married to his wife. -- Schanke and Janette Do you think I won't shoot you? No... uh, no. I'm very frightened. Believe me lady, I am. You shot Jonathan Levy and you were sleeping with him. We hardly know each other, that makes me completely disposable. Don't screw around with me! -- Julia and Schanke Nice going, Skank! -- Nick Third floor, ladies lingerie, shoes, handbags, and police custody. -- Schanke You okay? For an interesting change of routine, you're late! -- Nick and Schanke So, in closing? So, in closing I would just like to say. Thanks for this honor. I mean, It's really really nice to be appreciated. And it's even nicer to know that my partner is ... Nick Knight. -- Cohen and Schanke Eternal friends? Maybe more... -- Nick and Janette