Only The Lonely Hey! Welcome to victim number three. Are you sure? Not yet, but it sure looks that way. -- Natalie and Nick, Only the Lonely What's this world coming to is right when someone not _bad_ and not _broke_ like Jill Fisher has to resort to a dating service in the first place? -- Schanke, Only the Lonely Oh, come on, Schank, it's the nineties. Dating services, like frozen dinners...have their places. It's not necessarily a case of resorting to them. No, I haven't. Although I have...thought about it. You? That's ridiculous! You have so much more to offer than the average person. Please--it's not my intention to get into a discussion of my dating life --or lack thereof. -- Natalie and Schanke, Only the Lonely For crying out loud. If I had known--I mean, Myra _lives_ for this stuff. -- Schanke, Only the Lonely Don't worry about me, Schank, I'll be fine. Anyway, who has time for dating? He does. What the hell's wrong with him? Beats me. Ask him. See ya. [She takes off.] What is wrong with you, anyway? Uh...well, you heard the lady. Who's got the time? -- Natalie, Schanke and Nick, Only the Lonely No escaping the Creature from the Birthday Lagoon around here, I guess, huh? Oh, my--my favorite. A Twinkie with candles. Now let me see...one, two, three...thirty. Yep, they're all there. -- Natalie, Only the Lonely Whose birthday? Nat's. Forensics threw her a bash. Natalie's? I completely forgot. They called me last week. Don't sweat it. The only reason I found out is I had to go down and get test results. No. No, this is not good. I didn't even get her a card. -- Nick and Schanke, Only the Lonely Who is it and what happened? They couldn't find any I.D. People who saw him before the explosion said th-- Explosion? He was trying to stop a gang robbery. Someone tossed him a pipe bomb for his trouble. It--it's a real mess. At least there's not much of a face to look at. -- Eddie and Natalie, Only the Lonely Hi, honey, I'm home. -- Natalie, Only the Lonely Was that, by any chance...awkward? -- Roger, Only the Lonely Natalie! Maybe I could meet Sidney sometime? Maybe I could...call him? He's in the book. Lambert. Sidney...Lambert. -- Roger and Natalie, Only the Lonely That's not so bad. Not so bad at all. -- Natalie (taking a good look at a DOA Nick), Only the Lonely N--no, wait--wait a minute. Do I look like I eat cardboard and ride a treadmill? Huh? Do I--do I look like I have spots and I--and a--and a tail? Don't do this to me, Natalie, this is--this is not _right_! Sorry, Schank, but you're the only guinea pig that we got. Now...this won't hurt a bit. Ow! One day you're slicing cake, the next day you're slicing me. -- Schanke and Natalie, Only the Lonely Ah, yes, I believe I'm wearing a formaldehyde-based scent today. -- Natalie, Only the Lonely I usually buy my lunch from a dispensing machine and eat it by the warm glow of my computer screen. -- Natalie, Only the Lonely I am a vampire. Vampire? Yes. Oh...you're so cold. I'm dead. No. No, you're not. You're not dead. -- Nick and Natalie, Only the Lonely Hello? Oh. Uh, I was listening. I was. From what remote satellite? By the way, how's that hole in the ozone layer doing? I mean, if I'm boring you, Nick, just tell me. Jeez, I sound like Myra. -- Schanke and Nick, Only the Lonely Roger--uh--it's okay, you don't have to leave, I mean, this is purely [Nick puts his hand protectively on her shoulder, glaring at Roger.] w--work related. -- Natalie, Only the Lonely I guess you don't think that's...a little too familiar for a...first date, huh? Excuse me? I'm a big girl, in case you hadn't noticed. Oh, no, no, no, no, I've noticed, I've noticed, I just, uh, happen to feel a little protective. Protective. Yeah. Protective. Protective like towards...a sister, protective. Yeah, like towards a sister, yeah. Perfect. -- Nick and Natalie, Only the Lonely Well, I don't know, Schanke. Parking Violations is beginning to look pretty good to me right now. -- Nick, Only the Lonely Have you forgiven me for ruining your evening? I accepted your apology last night. In letter only, or in...spirit, too? Because, Nat, I can't tell by the way you're acting. I _said_...I forgive you. -- Nick and Natalie, Only the Lonely I--I know it was presumptuous of me to break into your house. I guess I took liberties with our friendship that I shouldn't have. Look. _Please_, Nick. Would you just let me finish? I care about you, Nat. I really do. I just want you to be happy. -- Nick and Natalie, Only the Lonely Last night I realized something. W--what? That if I'm not careful, I'll get in the way of you and your happiness. I just want you to know that I--I--re--I really--think that it's a good idea that you're beginning to see someone. And...I'm--I'm tr--I'm truly happy for you. And, uh....well, I won't mess it up by interfering, or, uh, doubting your judgment. Well, I really appreciate that. Thanks. Nat? You've made yourself perfectly clear, all right? I--I just have a lot of work to do. -- Nick and Natalie, Only the Lonely You're testing me. To see if I've forgotten. I see you haven't. Oh, please, don't bother. It won't work. Maybe I'm just one of those people who they say can't be hypnotised. Or maybe I don't want to be. -- Natalie and Nick, Only the Lonely And...you're not afraid? Fear is based on ignorance. I'd rather try to understand. What makes you think I can't help you? Help me? Are you serious? No one can help me. My immortality is a curse. A fall from grace. Evil is a metaphysical condition. You're not evil. [Turns to face him.] You ended up on my examining table because you tried to help people. Also, your condition _is_ a physical one. -- Nick and Natalie, Only the Lonely I see. Your specialty. And how on earth do you think you can help this eight hundred year-old body...this incessant hunger for blood? This...physical condition of mine. I don't know. Yet. But I _am_ willing to try. And what's the reward for you, Doctor? What could you _possibly_ expect for in return? Solving a puzzle is its own reward for me. Are you sure? Oh, yes. -- Nick and Natalie, Only the Lonely Don't. Don't get too close to me. You want to hurt me. Kill me. No. But I might anyway. -- Nick and Natalie, Only the Lonely N--Nick? Nick?! Nat. Nat. It's okay. Look, it's me. No, no--it's okay. It's me. -- Natalie and Nick, Only the Lonely Natalie? Do you have _any_ idea how worried I was about you? Yeah... Yeah, I think I do. -- Nick and Natalie, Only the Lonely Hey, hey! Natalie, Natalie, Natalie. I am sooo glad you're still here. Listen, I--I know this may not be the best time, but, uh, well, Lionel is coming in here to the station, and I thought maybe I-- Oh, no. Oh, ho, ho, nonononono. That's my cue.... Hey, wait! At least meet him-- With my luck, he's related to aliens! -- Schanke and Natalie, Only the Lonely